Coffee Shops

In an effort not to be a total recluse while studying, I have tried to go to coffee shops for certain studying times. Coffee shops are always filled with colorful characters and I will strive next time to try and take a picture of my new I-wish-they-were-my-BFFs, but hopefully my descriptions will be adequate for now:

1.) Man at Starbucks with a hoodie coat on with fur, black baseball cap and shades just sitting
2.) Man with mustache, military crew-cut except the greased to the side top part of his hair = pedophile
3.) First date couple (guaranteed every time I go)
4.) Multiple men coming out of bathroom (questionable)
5.) Man at Starbucks with hoodie coat on with fur, black baseball cap and shades just sitting (yep, it was so good I had to put it in twice...plus he was there for like 6 hours)
6.) Girl in corner on the computer laughing to herself (oh wait, that's me)

What I Do is.....

After several trials of going out with my friends and seeing the type of reaction most have when you say you're in dental or medical school, we decided that responding in such a manner is lame.  Shortly after we say this, there is a response that comes and eventually the fellow leaves.  We decided instead to create alternate personas to see if this bodes well during our next outing.  Although, I'd like to be a ninja or a secret agent in another life, I believe that will result in a similar outcome, so I'm going for something a little less intimidating.  Since I can also fabricate stories MUCH better than actually talking about my own life of studying and being awkward, I believe that this will add a different dynamic to the question: "what do you do...."  I will keep you posted on my alternative persona (complete with a new name --- obviously).  I hope this experience will make me a better candidate for the FBI.

Top 7 Reasons to Know You're a Spinster: Part II

1.) You've received advertisements for the "50s Singles" when you're only in your 20s
2.) People on college campus call you ma'am
3.) You look at the "jean" sweats and they no longer look so ridiculous
4.) Your heart patters at the thought of free food or chocolate
5.) Instead of being a regular at some place called "The Park" or the "Black Cat", you are now at regular at a place called "The Public Library"
6.) When you choose to eat 10 cookies instead of exercise
7.) You thought Nicholas Sparks was in the advertisement business for fireworks...

The Art of Conversation

Since I've been in a smallish Midwest town, I'm trying to learn the art of conversation.

Being from the East coast, I am very hesitant when a stranger starts talking to me. I know its terrible, but I always wonder in the back of my mind, "What is their objective?" I'm not used to random strangers just having a conversation, unless its to talk about the plight of the Redskins.

The art of conversation and shooting the breeze with a complete stranger is a lost art. If not on my generation, at the very least its been lost on me. Those who don't know me will think I am the most quiet person in the world. I remember my job at first didn't know I could talk because I was so quiet the first couple of months. Once you get to know me a little more and I get more comfortable, some friends laugh at the thought that I can actually be quiet. Nonetheless, it is the art of conversation with a stranger that seems to bring to life a conversation and the opportunity to meet new friends. Which brings me to the new friend, I met in the Walmart and the lost art in the works:

The Walmart was packed because all the college students had come back to campus and were going to Walmart to get all their dorm supplies. As I was waiting in a long line, a cute little old man came up behind me. I kinda glanced back and gave him an awkward smile.

"Whew! Walmart sure is busy today." The old man says to me.
"Yes" I reply and in an attempt to try this art of conversation I counter "The college students must be back"
"I reckon so...." The old man replies.
I smile because I'm so glad I attempted my conversation with a stranger and was ready to get back to staring down the line to will it to move faster.
"So...are you a college student?" The man continues.
"No. I'm not, I've already graduated." I try to say with a smile.
"Oh. I thought you were a college student. With the college students being back and all...."
Chuckle. "Yep, I've already graduated"
"Well you sure look like a college student"
Me: Silence

He then goes on to tell me his story of how he used to be a janitor at the school and how he was always happy when the students came back. He said he was so happy to finally have things to clean again because in the summer there were no students so he didn't have anything to clean.
"Yep, its sure nice to have these college students back again" He ends with a smile.

I am blown away at a good example of the hard working people here and how they are so proud to do the best in their job. How they were grateful for the line because it meant a janitor would no longer be bored and that all the students were happy. My conversation skills had reached a max, though, so I simply smiled back at him. His wife came back shortly after, so I got off the hook.

Soon after, I found a new line that was moving faster and hopped into it and was out the door in a flash. I learned a valuable lesson about the art of conversation, though, and how it can open your eyes to the world around you.

Getting to Know Your Roommates

So I have changed room mates since being in Illinois. The new ones came approximately 2 weeks ago and they are EXTREMELY quiet. The doors are always closed and I never know if they are home or not. Perhaps it wouldn't be so weird, if it wasn't for the stark contrast of running in and out of my previous roommates' rooms :). Anyways, when I first met them, one had a really strong accent...and I kinda didn't understand what she said. The other one, I understood her name, but I just forgot it. I'm not good with names and often need repeated introductions, but when it comes to roommates, there is a small window of leniency in which you can still ask, "What's your name again?" I believe that window is about 1 day, but I've been getting by for the past 2 weeks not knowing their names. Before you judge me, I would like to make the disclaimer that I wasn't supposed to be their roommate in the first place. I was supposed to move out, but that keeps being delayed. I have full intention of knowing their names, but have to figure out a sneaky way to do it. Since they are almost always in their rooms or in class, the need to know their names hasn't been as great...until today.

Today, one of my roommates came to one of my Pharm drills. Usually I try to use people's names as much as possible to help me not forget it. People are also looking down or will otherwise blurt out answers, so its another reason for the technique. I knew I couldn't use everyone else's name except for hers, but I also didn't want to admit that I didn't know her name. So I stumbled through the session just kinda staring people down until they recognized they were being asked a question. I did intermittently use other people's names, except for hers. Awkward. So my new priority tomorrow will be to know my roommate's names, even if I'm roommates with them for only a couple more days.

The Jitters

So my boss makes me really nervous. I'm not sure why, but I totally freak out whenever I see him. I always try to be on my Ps and Qs with him, but I believe I end up looking more like a mute freak. I become crazy quiet and yet I have all this nervous energy, so I start to fidget. Today I was copying something and he came out of his office. He greeted me in his deep voice and I quickly said hi in an Office Space manner like the guy who says, "who took my stapler" and tried to run away. As I ran away, I kinda didn't see this thing, called a wall, and I definitely ran into it. I just kept going...all the way to my car, which I believe might have added to the awkwardness.

Wait...do you work here?

So there hasn't been as many awkward situations with my job as I initially thought. I was just starting to feel like I had a purpose, now that I actually had duties/responsibilities. I still hadn't received a "folder" in which I thought would be the basic information required to pay me, so I decided to see if a week and a half was enough time to put this so-called folder together.

As I go into the folder man's office (note: this is the same guy who welcomed me to the team so graciously), I ask him if he has a folder for me, to which he replies no. Apparently someone has to get it and they are gone (why he can't get it himself...I don't know). I go on to ask about my time sheets because I have no idea how that works and I'd like to get paid since that's why I'm here.

"Oh you're on paid staff?" He retorts. "You're not working for exchange?"
I pause...wondering what type of time exchange would be worth staying here and not getting paid...especially as I am preparing for no tests.
"Ummm...no, I believe I supposed to be paid" I reply.
"So you're not working for free tutoring?" He presses.
"No....."

He then goes on to see if I have talked to the administrative assistant and scolds me for not going to see her in the first place. I suppress my initial reaction to ask how could I have known this information magically and instead ask how I can get in contact with her. Thankfully everything is close and I meet with her within a couple minutes.

The administrative assistant, however, also seems baffled that I am a paid staff member and lets me know that she will have to "double check" this new-found information before she can give me any forms. That's understandable, but I begin to ponder the countless wasted hours I've spent here just for some form of payment and seriously consider if I should cut my losses and just go. No...I've come this far.

I really hope after today that it can be confirmed that I work here and work for money and not some sort of barter system. I'll keep you posted and apparently I'll still keep doing my duties with or without pay since its the most human interaction I've been getting these days.

The Step Child

I've come to the conclusion of why it's so awkward at work...it's because I am like the step child. I kinda eased my way into this job without really anyone knowing and just appeared one day. There was no 9 month prep for people to mentally prep and I jumped right passed infancy (being a student) to a full fledged adult (a tutor) in a week's time frame. Currently I am sitting in the parking lot in my full uniform getting ready to go to a meeting I heard via the grapevine. Am I supposed to go or was my lack of knowledge intentional? Am I a slacker if I don't show up? I guess let the awkwardness begin and I'll update you shortly.

Champaign Adventures

So I've decided that Champaign is my kind of town in that it breeds awkwardness. Although I didn't have many awkward experiences while I was a student now that I am an employee I feel the awkward experiences keep coming. Maybe I just have a finer tune to awkwardness since I feel pretty awkward being here and learning what my life role is here. Here are some of my experiences so far (its day 3):

1.) Having lunner (my new term for a combination of lunch and dinner)with the elderly at Panera. Old people can sometimes emit a smell and when they are collectively in one location it apparently has a cooperative effect. I looked up from my work when I noticed the smell and noticed I was surrounded by old people. One cute old man with super big shades reeked of alcohol as he came in with his daughter. Another couple was at a table near me and were smiling at me as I was typing and laughing away. Here was our conversation (I hope its the beginning of a new best friend)

"What's so funny?"
"Oh...I was just talking to some of my friends..." (insert awkward pause)
"We thought so....you sure can type fast"
"Yes...well...thank you."
"How fast can you type?"
"I'm not sure...I haven't taken one of those tests" (since that was something in the 90s)
"I can type pretty fast with my two fingers" (insert demonstration)
"Wow...that's pretty good." (awkwardness....and go back to typing)

2.) Being told by the librarian at this library we ask customers to keep their shoes on (opps)

3.) Coming home to find an unknown animal dying at our stairs. Frightened by the fact I didn't know a. what type of animal it was (a cross between a beaver/groundhog/unknown) b.) not sure if it was dead or alive) c.) me feeling like he was looking at me and about to attack.

4.) Going to the landlord to inform him: I believe this is an unknown animal dying on the stairs of a certain apartment in a calm manner and then his response.

That's all for now, although it doesn't seem like Champaign has much, it sounds it will deliver on the awkward experiences.

First Day

Today was my first day in a job I'm extremely grateful to have despite a bit of a hiccup in my school path. And although I'm extremely grateful, I feel like I would be doing a disservice to this blog if I didn't share my first day, which was awkward even for me. There were various aspects that I will place in bullet-point form:

A.) Showing up to work without officially knowing where/when to go and no one really knowing that I'm starting there
B.) Changing roles from being a fellow-study buddy to a tutor within a week (note this is awkward for both aspects as my formal tutors are now supposedly my work-mates)
C.) A meeting that consisted mostly of eating and random mumbling between people
D.) Introductions where the introducer forgot several people's names (thankfully I wasn't one of them)
E.) Sitting in a corner (lurking) as is my new role for training to learn the tricks of the trade
F.) Down time with no place to go = me investigating things on my phone extremely intensely (thank goodness for my iPhone)
G.) Ending the day with the Assistant to the Director telling me he didn't think it was a good idea that I'm starting in my role, but since the Director said it was okay, I'm here, but just for my information he doesn't think I should start now.

Awesome. Can't wait to see what day 2 will bring.

Wake Up Call

In the midst of studying endlessly, you're bound to take some naps. There comes a point when caffeine, running up and down the stairs, gangsta rap and going outside won't do it and you need to take a nap. The key comes in the control of the nap time, which is hard since you are sleep deprived. I have tried another alternative...smelling funky.

One of my shoes, which will remain anonymous, smells bad. I'd like to make the disclaimer that my feet don't smell bad (I have checked). Sometimes, however, I like to take off my shoes when I'm studying. Hence, there is a problem. Then I looked across the room and saw my friend taking a nap. I thought I would do an experiment. So while she was sleeping, I took off my shoes near her and timed the amount of time it would take for her to take up. 4minutes. Then I thought...maybe the smell will keep her awake as well. So far it has worked well and the funk hasn't made its way back to me.... A win win, she stays awake and I am feet naked.

WOW...there are a lot of guys in this bar.

So, my friend and I were exploring DuPont Circle yesterday and we were trying to find cool places to hang out. As we were trying to decide where to go, we determined that standing at an intersection looking lost can strike up a lot of conversations, but most of that population was a little too elderly.

We moved on from our intersection to check out several cool places in the area, when suddenly my friend remembered this one bar that was a little farther off the DuPont beat and more towards Georgetown. As we head into the bar, it seems like the typical scene. We were greeted by your typical husky bouncer and then we turn around and see...a whole bunch of guys. Jackpot! But after a second glance, I noticed most of these men looked like...they were not on our team. As we pass by a group, one forcefully says, "Bonjour" to my friend. The greeting seems energetic, but not really friendly. We discover that there is an upstairs, so we go up the stairs to see if the crowd is different. As we go upstairs, there are all men. I mean like 100%. But as we go to that floor, most of the men looked at us like we were intruders.

"Wow! There are so many men here!" my friend tells me excitedly.
"Uh...I think we're at a gay bar." I tell my friend.
"What?! No." she retorts. "There are just a lot of men"
....as we are still being stared at in an indescribable way.

My friend is still in disbelief as I stand at the doorway awkwardly...and hint that we go downstairs, where at least the men aren't the built of football players.

We are still debating the legitimacy of this place as we head back down the stairs and eventually find some stools. Within 2 seconds of sitting down, without so much as a blink from any of the guys, who seem to be having intense conversations with their guy friend, my friend finally believes me.

"You're right... I think this is a gay bar."

And with that we awkwardly leave within the 5 minutes we arrived.

Great way to meet men perhaps, but not potentials...

Stalker DISCOVERED!

So while at a coffee shop with a live band playing, we noticed that the bass player looked crazy young and yet he was drinking wine. Does the coffee shop have a lax policy for performers? Am I old enough that people younger than my age look like they are 12? My friend and I immediately used our skills to find this talented bass player's name to find out more information about him. In the midst of our "investigating" skills on our iPhone/iTouch, the band took a break and the bass player came up and chatted with a person right next to me. This did not deter me. Though I realize it might be slightly ballzy to stalk someone when they are literally in front of you, I was on a mission. Google did not yield the information I was looking for, so I had to go to other resources...facebook. I shortly found him and discovered he was a fellow Marylander. I still couldn't figure out his age from his page, however, so I figured I'd friend him. He's in a band, he's probably used to having groupies. Then, a few minutes later, reality hit me! People have their phones attached to their hips and he could very well get my friend request during his break! Moreover, my profile has my picture on it, so I could be easily detected. One might think it weird for a stalker to reach out to its stalkee, especially after I didn't talk with him after he was right in front of me. As these thoughts were rushing to my head, I noticed he got something from his bass case and gave me a big smile. Mortification filled my face as my friend laughed hysterically at me because I had finally been discovered! The rest of the night made for fun times as I attempted to avoid indescribable stares and my own awkward, natural ignorance. Perhaps this should be another reason why I should go into retirement for stalking.

Sadness

I was bored and was checking this new feature on the blog, called audience tracker. Don't worry. I can't tell who is looking (or not). Just what country they are from and if they are using internet explorer. I was really excited to see that someone has been consistently looking on the website every other day. After careful research however, I have discovered that it was the Blogger Maintenance person. Sadness.

A Trip to the City of Brotherly Love

So on a mini trip to see one of my class mates get married I got to experience Philly again in the same fresh Philly style. Here are some fun/ awkward/ random occurrences there and to and from Philly.

Experience 1: On our way to Philly from Baltimore, I notice that my gas tank is almost empty. In an effort to save gas, I roll down the windows and head to the closest gas station. As I pull up to one of the stop lights there is a couple with their son. They are about 3 feet from my car when the dude starts yelling stuff to the woman and how he's "my son" and she slaps him. Confused about which domestic abuse this is, slightly not comfortable with the proximity to me and not really happy in the city of Baltimore I pray for a green light and wish I had locked my doors prior to rolling down my windows. (Don't worry she didn't slap him that hard and she could have definitely taken him if he tried anything)

Experience 2: Having an in-depth conversation with one of the Temple parking guards about where to park in the lot and how much it would be and then after 15 minutes leaving

Experience 3: Stepping in a pool of what I would assume to be urine from the smell after trying to avoid it.

Experience 4: Going back to that Temple parking lot guy to finally park

Experience 5: Running through Center City in 90 degree weather in a dress for a wedding. Ran 10 blocks in 10 minutes. That is good for me.

Experience 6: Trying to look calm, cool and collected while catching my breath, trying not to "glow" so much from the jog and looking down at my feet to realize I haven't changed into my dress up shoes and am about to sport flip flops as I'm escorted into the church

Experience 7: Stepping in another urine pool.

Philly was fun and what I expected...Philly. The End.

TheKnot

So, I believe in a previous post, I might have mentioned I am registered at theknot. Inspired by Carrie in Sex in the City, I figured "Why do I need a man/boyfriend/fiance to register for gifts and plan a party?". It was a great activity to keep me entertained in class and I even got half-way for the website for Kevin (my fictitious fiance) and me.

If anyone knows me, I believe the cake to be a key component of a wedding (besides the groom). It's on the same level as the dress. So when I was on theknot looking for themes/dresses/etc for my wedding, I naturally looked for different bakeries that had great wedding cakes. In Bethesda today, I saw one of the bakeries I remembered on the site and decided to go in and check out their cakes in real life. It was like walking into the "Aces of Cakes" show or "Cake Boss". In fact, the main baker had a picture of her beating the "Aces of Cakes" chef in some wedding cake competition. My mom talked to the front desk person and was telling her how I raved about the bakery. This would have been fine, but then the front desk person asked me which item I liked the best. MOMENT OF TRUTH. I didn't want to lie, so I told her I had actually never been to the store, but saw it on theknot. As I'm saying this, I'm trying to hide my left hand and its lack of a ring. "Oh, are you getting married?" she asked. I look at her for a few extra seconds than necessary, going in my mind about the depth of that question. "I'm going to get married sometime" I reply, with a bit of hesitance. She replies with a laugh about the elusiveness of my answer and explains how she and the baker are also married "sometimes" and how though they have only been married once, they are married "sometimes." She goes on about this -- to which I don't fully understand the joke -- for about 5 minutes and I wonder if this is a reason why I shouldn't fake register at theknot.

Rejection Calls

So apparently there is a new fad in the dating scene that I like to pawn: "Rejection Calls".

Everyone knows at the end of the first date there comes a sense of closure that lets one know if future ones will continue or not (if you couldn't figure it out through the progression of the date itself). I'm reminded of that girl in "He's Just Not That Into You" when the guy says he'll call her and yet doesn't have her number and she flubbers in convo with him about the follow-up of their date. I'd say though, USUALLY one can tell if "I'll call you" is just a nice way to run away or if he truly means it.

There are multiple ways to avoid a future date: just evading the person (my fav), play the "texting"/"facebook message" game, email to say too busy, act really weird on the next date... However, apparently there is another tactic that is new: the rejection call.

It goes a little something like this: Hey ____, it was nice to meet you (this part can be omitted) but I don't want to see you (ever) again. Have a great day.

This leaves your view VERY clear and no awkward good byes or texts later and you past date will have a great day. Try it out and let me know how it goes.

Top Ten Things NOT to Say/ Do on a First Date

So after talking with some friends, I've discovered some things that one shouldn't say or do on a date. It was apparently news to me....

1.) One should not make comments that would insinuate you are violent (i.e. I like boxing, hockey, street fighting)...this is especially relevant if you are a girl.

2.) If you can't finish the meal, don't get it To Go

3.) One should NOT act out moves you have been planning if you someone was about to attack you (this is especially important if you're in a nice restaurant)

4.) Do not open a door for a guy....even if he opens it for you (it can be tempting to return the favor)

5.) Being more interested in a puppy than him is typically frowned upon....furthermore being interested in the food more than him is also not desirable (who can stop the obvious, though?)

6.) A pat on the back at the end of the date is often not a typical way to end a date

7.) Wearing sweats on a date

8.) Greeting your date with a firm, interview style handshake

9.) Accidently wearing men's cologne instead of female perfume

10.) Just not showing up.

I hope this helps.

Don't take candy from strangers

So in an effort to stay awake for class, I have attempted to go to Starbucks before class every morning. On my journey to Starbucks this week I have encountered two random occurrences and wanted to share them:

While walking towards Starbucks I noticed there was a random tray of chocolate cupcakes with rich creamy chocolate icing sitting on a newspaper stand. If you know me, you know I love chocolate, even if its 7:30 in the morning. I stood there...about 10 feet away looking at the temptation. It was just sitting on the newsstand seeming to make a statement to me...more of a proclamation. Eat me!!! No one else was around and it was peculiar as the cupcakes were in a tray as you'd see at the grocery store but it had no lid. As I stood there staring and resisting the temptation, I remembered how one shouldn't take candy from strangers and random, tantalizing cupcakes on top of a news stand would probably fit under a similar warning.

On another journey to Starbucks I was dreaming about my Chai tea when I couldn't get the door open. Am I that weak? No...upon my second attempt I noticed the lights were off at Starbucks. As I stood at the door confused about what crisis must have occurred to close Starbucks since they are open on national holidays, random-man-on-the-street-corner gave me the tip that the girl just came and that they weren't open yet. Oh. As I turn to walk away he asks if I have a dollar...most likely for his piece of information. Nope, sorry. Ever since then I've noticed he seems to stand at that corner with a 7-11 cup of coffee in his hands. He must be the unofficial informant of the Starbucks happenings...

The life of a med student versus yours

So my roommate seems to have a knack for having these big parties the same weekend I have a big test, lovely, eh? Although sometimes studying for a test can feel like a party, usually the dress code isn't the same:

Experience 1 -- After staying at school for about 19 hours with the latter 3 hours in gross lab I hope that 2:30AM would be a safe time for her Christmas party to be over. Much to my dismay, however, the party appears to be in full swing as evidenced by the lack of parking spots. So after walking a block back to my house, I open the door to my house reeking of formaldehyde and looking like someone who hasn't slept or showered in a week (I do shower though). Occupied in my house are all these people dressed up in their latest Christmas outfits and dancing. I stand at the doorway for a moment thinking of the stark contrast and then retreat to my room to pray they all leave so I can sleep.

Experience 2 -- She decides to have a big "surprise" birthday party for one of her friends. What seemed to sound like a little game night appears to be an invitation to all her dance friends. As I'm secluded in my room I realize I haven't taken my dog out in like 10 hours and I probably shouldn't test her limits. I don my coat over my superfab study sweats complete with my study outfit is the lack of makeup or bother to use a brush today (thank goodness for hoodies) and get ready to hit outside. As my dog and I go downstairs I'm surprised to see the amount of people who seem to stare at this person so out of character to the party scene and I walk out the door.

I have many other experiences of my room mate and her boyfriend getting all snuggly while I have little breakdowns by professing my love for my dog while jumping down the stairs and rushing to get my almost burnt fries while they seem to be having a "moment", but such stories will have to wait.

Perhaps for my next test I will strive not to be so antisocial...but then that would take all the awkwardness out.

Finding a husband

So this one is a bit late, but I wanted to share my fun times with you.

For Christmas, I asked for one of those "husband" pillows that allow you to study on the bed or floor while putting your back at ease. While my mom and I were shopping at one of the department stores she greeted one of the employees and wished them a Merry Christmas (she likes to say hi). The employee asked my mom if there was anything she was looking for and my mom looked at me. I quickly foresaw how this conversation was going and walked quickly towards the back of the department area.

"Yes, I'm looking for a husband" my mom replies. The employee looks at my mom with puzzlement and a blank stare hoping for a little more explanation. A second employee, a young man, tries to come to his co-worker's aid and asks what my mom what she is looking for. "A husband" my mom replies again...and then add quickly "its for my daughter" and shouts my name and beckons me to awkward conversation. At first I just stand there pretending I didn't hear the previous conversation and the employees are just starting at me.

After a few moments, my mom asked me if I was looking for a husband, to which I quickly try to explain the pillow while walking backwards towards the exit sign. When they realize I'm not actually looking for a man, there seems to be a break of tension and the first employee starts shouting how they are no husbands here but maybe at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

To this date I have neither a human husband or a pillow husband but the happy memory of looking for one fills my heart. Perhaps I should get one of those Anime Body pillows like James Franco had on 30 Rock .... :)

Classes

So its the first day of school and I've realized I am way past undergraduate classes. Its beyond the point of being a super senior, I'm just ridiculous. The only way to comfort myself through the last year of embarassment is my belief that I can still fit in with the undergrads and look 18-22ish. Well this fasade was cut short on the first day.

During our Physics lab, the TA decided it'd be appropiate to use the majority of the period to educate college students about how to find a mean. After about 30 minutes of lecture regarding what a mean is, how to calculate it, etc., he thought it'd be best to use a "real-life" example to drive in the point. For the example, he decided to use the age of everyone in the classroom. I was hoping most of the people would be 21/22ish so I wouldn't sound like such a sketch ball, but then as people went around the room it was full of 17-18 year olds! Panic overtook me and I quickly contemplated pretending to be another age. I quickly decided lying would not be pleasing to God and when it came to my turn I grudgingly said 25 years, 8 months (we had to also include the month). I was feeling awkward, which led me to think of this blog and out of place when the last student noted that she was 35. That itself wouldn't have been so bad if the TA didn't further drive in the point of her age by using constant references to how outliers and extraneous data so far away from the mean could affect your data and standard deviation. He continued on this train of thought with constant references to the 35 year old WOMAN's age and I shrunk in my seat from embarassment for her and him. I notice I never saw her back in class again and the students (and TA) now look at me a little perplexed.

Ethiopian Airlines

Our team had the experience of going to Uganda on Ethiopian Airlines. This airline is so exclusive that it only deems Dulles Airport to be the ONLY US airport it flys into. Our flight attendants were militantly friendly. We were woken up from deep sleep despite efforts to pretend we were asleep to eat every 3 hours or so. At random times we were forced to buckle and then unbuckle our seat belts (again if one was sleeping or not was not an excuse) and had melodious "cloud" music that played during take off and often landing to ease the mind. At one point I was in full REM sleep, which is a rarity on plane rides, and all of a sudden I smelled the food. Subconsciously, I must of known the impending forceful patting that was about to occur because I woke up immediately in a daze. A few minutes went by with my vision still blurry and my mind fuzzy but clear on its purpose to accept food. After several minutes of staring blankly at the food before me and then holding a buttered bread midway to my mouth while I was half-asleep, I covered up my food and hoped this would be acceptable to our forceful attendants. It was a memorable experience and would highly recommend it to anyone looking for a flight experience beyond ordinary.

Compact Cars

So it has become evident that I am not as good of a driver as I had originally thought. Going to work a little later today, my usual spot was taken and I was drawn into a particular lot for "compact cars" only. Living in a world where Civics are considered compact and since the lot was mostly empty, I figured I'd give it a try. I went into the lot and parked successfully, but stayed in the car to determine my situation. Yes, its fine RIGHT NOW, but what happens when the lot is full...hmmmm...these thoughts concerned me, so after about three minutes of wavering, I decided to get out of the lot and look for a parking space a little bit safer for my car and me. Well...this turned out to be not an easy task. As the parking lot is similar to how many fish can you fit into a sardine can, I struggled for about 15 minutes trying to get out of the little pathway that led to freedom. I shifted one way and hit the curb, I reversed and almost hit a car, I shifted back and decided to gun the curb to only get stuck. After several minutes of feeble attempts, whether I could get out or not seemed to have created a diversion for others to go to work. One girl in the car was motioning me for help, while others looked on...perplexed. Finally I saw a co-worker who apparently couldn't bare to see someone struggle so much and came to my rescue. After much encouragement and specific driving directions, I learned, one could only get out of this lot if their wheels were 180 degrees in line with the curb. She graciously helped me out of my problem and I left the compact parking lot making a mental note to never return there again. On a side note, I've learned there are now more descriptions for cars than simply compact and full size vehicles. Apparently there is mid-sized and a variety in between that my car fits into. Now noted.

B.O.

So I was at the restaurant with my friend and all of a sudden an unpleasant odor overtakes me. What is that? Is that...BO? Eww...suddenly confused with the new offensive smell I look around to see what has changed. A new person has sat behind me. Oh. I try to continue the conversation and eat my food despite the continuous offensive smell when an additional smell comes. A fish smell. The combination made it hard to get dessert and my friend and I quickly exited. Due to my personal paranoia I wanted to check myself to ensure that it was not me that was emitting the offensive odor. As we exited I did what any normal girl would do and tried to stealthily smell myself. It turned out to be great timing as in the same moment I went for the smell my eyes suddenly locked with three guys sitting at the bar outside who seemed fixated by my actions. Yes. That is how to attract the men, ladies...

PS -- In case you were on your seat in anticipation...I was thankfully not the one with the offensive smell.

Boycott

Dear Readers and Contributors to this blog,

I have been withholding grand experiences of randomness and awkwardness due to the discovery that the awkward/random experiences seem to have a skewed perspective by one particular member. Further postings will cease until more active participation and celebration of awkwardness/randomness has occurred. Thank you.

Pants

While in Thailand, we had the opportunity to paint the church's interior. It was fun and like any good painter, I got a lot on me. We were using "strong soap" (detergent) to get most of the pain off our hands. One of the paints was oil-based, however, and some team members suggested turpentine for my heavily painted hands. I was a little apprehensive, hearing distant warnings in my head about how turpentine is highly flammable and shouldn't be used on people. After scrubbing off my hands with detergent without making much progress and observing my other team members using turpentine without blowing up, I decided to use some too. The turpentine worked great and quickly got the paint that seemed apart of my skin off. I went back to painting and poured a little too much onto my lid and I tried to catch the pain with my leg s it wouldn't spill onto the church's floor. Most of my pant legs became doused with the oil-based which then stuck to my leg. After our job was over, I tried to get the pain off my paints with baby wipes and hand sanitizer with no help. Then I remembered the magical turpentine and got a baby wipe out doused it in turpentine and then started scrubbing my pant leg. It was starting to work so I scrubbed more aggressively, when suddenly my leg felt like it was on fire. The turpentine. I quickly began stuffing baby wipes up my Capri pants to get paint (and now turbine) which was glued to my thigh...apparently this action caused a bit of commotion among my team. One member suggested water and after assuring me it wouldn't make the burn worst she poured some on my leg and helped me stuff more baby wipes up my pants. The water helped, but after a few minutes the burning started again, except higher due to the spread of water and turpentine. Afraid of having to strip off my pants in this highly modest society, I remembered the scissors in the first aid kit and kindly asked my team member to bring my bag. As I ripped open a side of my pants to douse my burning leg with water, I now had the full team's attention as I was now hearing the would be helpful knowledge that its not good to put turpentine on one's skin, especially for long periods of time. Another team member donated his towel so I could separate the turpentine pants with my red thigh and I had the opportunity to walk around holding it and my tattered pants for the rest of our time that day.

Morale of the story: Turpentine is best used on material objects and not people.

PS -- After two showers and extended pool time, the paint is still on my leg.

The Conference

So a couple of months ago I put myself into a conundrum. I agreed haphazardly and hastily to go to a conference in Boston AND to share the room with my boss. Perhaps this wouldn't be such a bad thing if:
a.) the job actually paid for the conference, travel, hotel, etc.
b.) I was actually interested in the subject
c.) It wasn't it the middle of going to the other side of the world and roommate's moving in

But despite these events and my avoidance of conflict with my boss...I went. The day started off well when my 8 hour train ride to Boston became an 11 hour ride. It actually wasn't too bad and forced me to study so I'm almost caught up (I had to watch 1/2 a season of The Office). The true delight was when I walked into the hotel room to find a big King bed. YES!

I realize some people are close with their boss and might even be friends. I would say she is a friendly colleague but to sleep with my boss seems to cross professional boundaries.

The weekend got better as there was often a lot of time to kill and there's only so much walking, small talk (which I suck at) and shopping for yarn one can do in Boston. My other colleague was in her mid 30s with her husband. It was actually very nice until they brought up their time in the 70s and inquired when I graduated. I politely chuckled about the good old 70s and successfully averted the graduation question. I enjoy the fact that despite some people accusing me of being too young to drive without supervision that I can also appear fit in with people who lived during the Watergate Scandal.

All in all...although the experiences for the weekend were perhaps not ideal I did learn a very important life lesson. The extreme importance of saying "I'll have to check my schedule and get back with you" rather than the eager yes...and to never be put in a situation where one must share a bed with their boss.

remember the days when...

...we used to look for ways to create awkwardness? well, here's a list i stumbled upon that would make great awkward moments in elevators. $10 to anyone who tries one and reports back...

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

Softball continues

So my situation with the softball team has increased in its awkwardness. Not only are all the players superstars, I apparently am not even worthy to be catcher and am demoted to sitting on the bench while the sub plays for me. Every Thursday I pray for rain and every Thursday there is not a cloud in the sky. This past Thursday, however, it actually rained! I was so excited, but then learned that what I really needed to be praying for is thunder and lots of lightening. During this last game I'm sitting out while the sub plays and beaming as I realize there are only 15 minutes left and with the game so close there's no way they're going to take the sub out to let me in....to play catcher mind you. After the game ended and I said goodbye to the team, one of the coaches makes a comment about next week. Next week? What?! Apparently our team is in the semi-finals. Great. So I am fortunate enough to have other week of utterly embarrassing and "humble" experiences either on the field or on the bench.

The First Convo

Meeting someone for the first time when its just the two of you can be quite nerve racking. If it wasn't for the embracement of awkwardness I might evade the situation all together, but how else could I have a few laughs?

Its usually customary to have a couple of topics/questions/convo starters on the mind when meeting a new person. Unfortunately for me these starters are spent after the first 15 minutes (perhaps I shouldn't act like Katie Couric in my question-firing) and then comes the awkward silence....with the sudden fixation on your food, the wall or whatever might grab your attention the most. I try my best to scan my brain for a topic or question to ask. News events, the weather, anything. Nothing comes to mind. My mind is simply silent. Any questions directed at me are greeted with fast answers without common sense really giving me a chance to answer like a normal person...and thus the awkwardness continues...often painfully. At least it always brings me back to my first thought during such awkward situations: I would be so much better at using my Ninja skills with this person than having a conversation.

Spinster

You know you have reached Spinsterhood when

a.) your boss tries to set you up with random people (including those at work)

b.) random people from work try to set you up with their son or "friend"

c.) looking at wedding rings at the store seems similar to looking for leprechauns and a pot of gold under a rainbow

d.) inevitably it is to be expected for a family member in any conversational dialogue to include
"so...anything new going on in your life?"

Softball Practice

So we had voluntary practice today and I decided to go because I really wanted to play catch. I showed up a little after the time and walked to the field and...no one is there. Well its expected that not many people would come since its the day before Easter but what about the person that scheduled the practice. I walk head down to my car and see some guy in his turtleneck warm up outfit and ask if he's the coach's name. No, he's not, but he is also here to practice as well. Great! Then we kinda just stand next to our cars for about 5 minutes in silence and I try to use my inner-skills of how to get out of practice tactfully. After the 5 minutes silence another guy shows up and him and the other guy are starting small talk and I'm just standing awkwardly. Then the first guy, which we'll call Fred, says "Hey I guess I can get my stuff out now" and proceeds to change into his cleats and this softball bag. The other guy, which we'll name Hunani also proceeds to get his softball bag. I look down and look at my old New Balance sneakers, my glove and my purse. Hmm...a little different than playing catch. Finally the person who scheduled the practice shows up. He is also in cleats and a bag. The guys all seemed to be bonded and this revealed the team might be not as uncompetitive as it advertised. Now my getting out of here excuse kicked into high gear. As we walked to the field and the guys continued to change into their softball socks and other miscellaneous things and I clutched my glove and thought about if I should reveal I just have a sweatshirt on, no sporty sweat-proof shirts...then it hit me. A family obligation which requires me to only be here a short while. Its not a lie, my family would like to see me earlier than later and that's an obligation in coming today...kinda. So I make my exit pretending I didn't have my gear because it would only be a short practice. We'll see how this season turns out :-\

Dance Machine

A couple of my friends and I went out to a club to celebrate my friend's birthday. I'm not much of a "clubber" but I am much of a dancer. I enjoy having private dance parties and don't necessarily need music. So to have people there AND music was exhilirating! I got into the groove with my friends but around 2 or so I got tired as my normal bedtime has become 1030-11. As another friend and me were sharing a seat this guy comes up to me and whispers something in my ear. As I can't even hear my own voice, I politely smile and nod and then see he is holding out his hand.

PANIC!

I DON'T dance with guys because I'm afraid they'll want to get jiggy with it on the dance floor! A problem that needs working on...but 2:30 wasn't the ideal time. I'm a little hesitant but then reluntantly get up. It was the most awkward experience. At first he was about 12 feet apart and we were dancing awkwardly to this weird reggae/indian song and he kept whispering in my hear waiting for a response. After motioning I can't hear and him keep trying to whisper I just politely nod and smile. He twirls me (again picture a nightclub to now reggae/techno music) the whole time I'm glancing over to my friends with a "help me" look and he keeps glancing back to see what I'm looking at. When we faces me again I smile and continue the awkward dance. Then he tries to move us to the other side of the club as he turns to bring me over there, I bolt away and sit back with a friend.

I had hoped he'd get the picture, but 10 minutes later he's back just standing next to me as my friends and I are chatting. I smile and nod and feel bad I'm afraid to dance with guys.

Lesson learned: You don't have to get jiggy with it to dance with guys.

Safety Ambassadors

First of all, I would like to state that I am very grateful for the Safety Ambassadors on campus. Although when initially introduced to the concept it seemed odd and simply a false sense of security, but in fact I am very grateful to their service and especially when walking me home during my 2p-2a or 3p-3a shifts. I have encountered various people, from one end of the spectrum to another.

One gentleman was very quiet as he was walking me home. The situation of someone escorting you home can always be a little awkward. I mean what do you say to a stranger? I hate making small talk...especially late at night when all I want to do is sleep. But then is it okay just not to talk while walking beside someone for 20 minutes or so? Hmm....well one guy kinda nodded towards me and once walking beside him went at a face pace towards my destination. I tried to say hi, which was recripocated with a gruff. I was okay with this since I didn't really want to talk anyways. Midway towards our walk in silence and a fast pace, especially for 3:45am I felt we had bonded due to our common desire for silence. Thence, I decided to break this silence by asking when he got off or how long he was working...something in an attempt to make small talk. He looked at me in what appeared to be digust or annoyance and made a comment something to the degree of he works until he's done. Thanks. So that ended my one encounter when I said thank you and turned to wave good-bye he simply left. Yes.

My second encounter happened tonight, to a quiet friendly safety ambassador. He was quite talkative and although I tried to resist in a not mean way, he seemed nice. So he went on to explain how they work 16 hours a week every day with no breaks. That amazed me, since I think 12 hours is enough, although I must say I'm not entirely convincned of these consistently unethincal work standards. Anyways...then the awkward moment came. It began...am I shy?...secondary to me not talking at 3:30 in the morning and then what do I do when I'm not working? After trying to attempt to bow out by saying how busy I was visiting other people he offered me to visit him at his home. Nice. Very friendly. My sly comments of trying to avoid the subject were brought to light when he verbally concluded that I simply was not interested and don't want to visit him. Opps. This was thankfully 3/4th into our walk, but it made for an awkward couple of blocks until then...

What does a neurosurgeon, a law student, a hearing aid and grad students have in common?

Dinner!

I sponsored an event at the infamous internet group since the group I had started was growing and didn't want to seem like a slacker. The group that came out was quite eccentric and diverse...to say the least. The age ranged from 22-80 (I'm guestimating) with teachers, neuropsychologist, a lawyer and various students. The conversation wasn't too bad and most people skipped out on the Pink Panther but the dynamics between a flamboyant middle agish, a prudish old man and some other people all at one table made for a great memory, especially with a friend sharing the experience with...

NOT saying hi

So I recently have had this awkward thing where I will not say hi to my teacher guy. I'm not sure why...I feel awkward not saying hi, but somehow ingrained in me is to not interrupt and thus it seems super awkward to just stand there and wait for them to notice you just to say hi...thus I have nullified the whole "greeting" situation by completely ignoring it. It worked successfully tonight on not greeting him at a social (opps)...I just fear this new outlook of a greeting will not be perceived as unfriendly or sociopathic, I'd prefer if it was just awkward. Perhaps I'll have to invent another way to greet...hmmm...any thoughts?

business trip awkwardness

two awkward moments from my most recent business trip to pittsburgh-- 1. my case manager forgot to tell me (but not the other person on the case) that we were staying for 2 nights instead of only 1 like usual. this isn't a problem except for the fact that i did not pack enough clothes for 3 days. i had on what i was wearing and one additional outfit. so today, the third day, i rewore the pants that i have now worn for three days straight. (at least they're dark gray and not really noticeable) i also rewore a sweater, but without the collared shirt underneath it that i wore the first day. sweet...they must think my wardrobe is very limited. i kept hoping i would have a chance to go out and buy a shirt or something, but no such luck. 2. we went to dinner last night with our client. and the client was going to pick a wine for dinner, but then she handed me the wine list and told me to pick a wine for the table. now, i know a *little* about wine, but not a lot. so faced with the 7 page wine list, i was a little lost. i ended up picking a cabernet, but no one said, "this wine is good." no one even commented on it at all...so i don't think i did a great job. great idea to let the 22 year old pick the wine when everyone else is at least 10 years older than me or more. i think i need to brush up on my wine knowledge for the next client dinner.

Networking

So I was invited to this small group Christmas party by an old friend from school and somehow we got on the conversation of what type of criminal would we want to be. Everyone was kind of silent at first and then a couple of people chose to be a bank robber to have a lot of money....I naturally chose espionage and inquired about what a bounty hunter is. The people kind of looked at me funny, I'm not sure why but whatever. Then we got on the conversation of what occupation we would chose if we had no boundaries and I chose secret agent work. I was really into it and talking about how cool it would be to perform martial arts and investigate, but the down side would be killing people, since that's wrong and I could never do that and then they were all kinda of looking at me...like who is this person? I suppose espionage and talking of its activities isn't really the best first impression.

business trip awkwardness

i've been traveling with my director on the project and i have had some very awkward moments. first, i'm currently making cold calls for my project to try to set up interviews. now, making cold calls is not my favorite thing to do. and you kinda have to be fake and say stupid things to get people to talk to you. i prefer to make calls when no one else is listening to me, but while we work in pittsburgh, we sit right next to each other and he listens to every word i say. it makes me feel so self-conscious. second, he isn't the best at making small talk. he's very bad at making small talk actually. i try to ask questions, find out what's going on with his other projects, talk about the holiday, and lots of other things...but he never talks about anything for more than two seconds. so at lunch i was talking about how i'm going to the army/navy game in philly this weekend. he asked what my brother was doing after he graduates and i said that he was going to flight school. and then he remarked, "yeah...and then they send him to iraq." i didn't really know what to reply to that. so then he asked me if my brother was going to do it for life. and i said that i knew he was thinking about it. then i mentioned how the retirement benefits are really good. and my director replied, "if you don't die." is it just me or are those remarks completely off base? i mean, what the heck am i supposed to say to that? it's clearly not funny...such awkwardness.

pjs

posted for sarah:
umm awwwkward situation at school today.one of my tss workers apparently makes pjs on the side (?). he said they'dmake great christmas gifts. he asked if i'd be interested and i feignedinterest thinking, whatever, i'll buy plaid pajama pants for $10.welllll ... he brought in samples today. or rather, one set of sample. thematerial is tan and there is a silkscreened very large scooby doo on thefront of the spaghetti strap tank top with glitter spray paint around it ...then the next item - the undies - came out. also tan, scooby, and glittery.there i am, standing in my classroom, holding a pair of ladies panties (ewhate that word) and a tank top, desperately searching for the right words.later, another tss workers said to me, so, ms. matthews, you're not toointerested in those pajamas? ... (is he joking? is he serious? does *he*like the pajamas?) ... "well, i haven't really thought about christmas giftsat all yet ..."oh geez.

The NEW Cha Cha

So I decided a great way to meet people and do something I've wanted to learn for a while is to join a dance class. I wasn't really particular about which genre as long as it wasn't lyrical jazz as I explored the options on the internet. To my surprise I found dance lessons that were only a block from my house! Furthermore the lessons were tonight! For free!! Yes, it'd seemed to good to be true. Although dance partners were encouraged, they also boasted that their place was an "unlikely place to meet singles" so I thought it'd be okay going alone...I'm here to meet people right?

As I arrive, I can only see couples and most of them between the age range of 30-60s, which I have nothing against but was hoping to meet some young professionals, like myself. I thought about immediately darting away, but decided to give it a worthy try. We started out just going over the dance steps, but then the time came to pick our dance partner. As everyone else had brought their designated date, who was the lucky one to go in front of the class to dance with the instructor? Oh yes, my friend. It was I. We switched partners a couple of times after that, so I didn't have to be the example for the whole time. After learning the cha-cha by dancing with some nice older men and women (the women outranked the guys 3:1) it was time to "party" where they opened the dance floor up for everyone to dance salsa, meringue, ballroom, swing, you name it. I opted out...I usually only try to stand awkwardly alone in a mid-life party once a night. Back to the drawing boards of how to meet young professionals....

The Knitting Club

So in my attempt to meet new people in Philadelphia, I have joined one of the "social meeting internet groups", which mostly meets for happy hour or some other type of activity that embraces ethanol, except for the knitting club. The knitting club seemed to be a place where I could learn how to knit as well as be able to get to know some people. My dad wasn't too thrilled as he remarked I wouldn't meet any guys there, but I thought it might be a nice place to make a friend. So off I go to the knitting club...although I was croching since I don't really know how to knit, but they stated in a memo that they would still accept me. When I arrived, most of the people there were in their late 20s or early 30s and at first it was a tad awkward being that I'm fresh out of college and am furthermore croching and not knitting. Although during my knitting club time I didn't meet any hot guys, I was able to crochet a little and meet some nice people.

The Monster in my Wall

So for the past two weeks I've been living in my apartment and there has been intermittent BANGs coming from the wall right next to my bed. At first I thought I could adjust to the annoying noise that gives you an unexpected jolt everytime it comes (after all I did live next to the lovely Cathedral bells that went off randomly about every 15 minutes). However as time has past the noise has only gotten worse. Last night, after my attempt to go to bed early so I could be alert for work tomorrow the banging began again...

The same thoughts went through my mind: does my neighbor have OCD with opening and closing cabinet doors, is it from the side or above, it must be the pipes, perhaps my neighbor secretly has some type of personal ventenda towards me and so on. Well after 2-3 hours of trying to go to bed and hearing this noise I decided I had enough and that tomorrow I would inquire about the noise to my neighbor (politely) and give the super my informed letter about my concluded cause of a "water hammer", my reasoning, why this problem was important to them and the following options they had to fix this problem.

After attempting to state my issue with the current desk lady and not being heard, I stated my problem more passionately, enough to warrant a "look" from the building service guy sometime today. A few minutes later, the service guy was up and seemed like he was ready to leave the second he came to my door (my mom thinks it was because you can see numchucks and a framed heart as soon as you come in). We walked into my bedroom and I thought I heard the noise and said "see listen, its banging right now" then there was no noise and he kinda looked at me weird. "I don't hear anything". "Oh", I replied, "it stopped all of a sudden". Silence. As he started to exit the door (without really stating any solutions or conclusions), I decided to give him my thoughts about the problem. I stated where and when I heard it, my investigation and conclusion and he just kinda looked at me not really knowing what to do. Then he kinda just walked out the door. Not much follow-up or some type of closure, but just left. Great...it looks like the Wall Monster and I might have to stay together for a couple more days. Yeah for no sleep.

insulting the blind and once again insulting the deaf

1. Times Square Debacle: I was walking with two friends in Times Square on Sunday and was trying to navigate through all of the slow-walking, picture-taking tourists. A woman stopped me and asked me where 43rd Street was. We were walking north on Broadway and were on 44th so I pointed behind me and said it's one block that way. One of the people I was with kept saying one block left. I didn't understand why until we had passed her and discovered that the woman was blind.
2. At Work in the Cubes: One of my coworkers is loud--really loud. He has the most piercing voice and it's just so loud. When he's talking or making phone calls, his voice goes straight to my head and not even music will block it out. He also tries to talk across the cubicles and can never understand what people are saying so it makes them have to yell to be heard. Anyway, today he was doing it a LOT. He didn't understand anything the girl next to me was saying. So she said, "Am I not speaking English?" and I said, "Are you hard of hearing?" And he said, "Yes, actually I am." ...

First Day in the Professional World

So today was new employee orientation day and to review all the information we learned from the day, the HR presenters decided to have a Jeopardy quiz with teams. When deciding our team name I blurted out blueberries, forgetting I had exited the school world and was now supposed to be "professional". At first my teammates looked at me a little weird, but with no other suggestions they agreed. It was so entertaining for me to see these adult professionals cheering for our team "the blueberries", especially in lieu of the other team's name "Team Left"

awkward sharing of an awkward moment

i was at dinner with quite a few mercer people last night. it was a big company dinner at a nice restaurant during our training in boston. someone had the great idea that we should share an embarrassing moment. so...what moment did i choose to share? none other than the story of when i fell naked in front of the janitor my freshman year. now, it's not like i don't have a plethora of embarrassing stories to tell, but for some reason i chose this one. it made the experience of telling an embarrassing story quite awkward.
moral of the story: don't tell stories that involve you being naked in front of 5 of your male co-workers

Shaka Chan -- 1st public episode

So my friend S2 and I decided to live out one of my dreams while riding the Metro. We became foreigners. While riding to Union Station we conversed with emphasis in our own respected language that caused others to turn around numerous times looking quite disturbed/concerned (perhaps they spoke our language). As we ventured into the land of Union Station we decided to try out our English by speaking broken English to each other. S2 really wanted to fudge so once we arrived in a chocolate shop she asked in broken English "You have fudge?" The woman behind the counter who was at first had a welcome expression on her face immediately changed her attitude upon discovering we were "foreigners" and told us very slowly and loudly "sorry we don't have fudge here....try over there" pointing to a Godiva store. We left her for the moment to speak to some random boy scouts in our language while also performing what we thought was a foreign laugh...15 minutes later we arrive back at our friend aka the chocolate lady and I announce "they no have fudge. Where is the fudge?" She looks a little concerned and remarks "we don't have fudge". S2 is a little concerned and consults with me in our language as I tell s2 they have no fudge she gets quite angry and spews unspeakables in our language and we leave as the chocolate lady has a very frightened and bewildered look on her face. Conclusion of the day...despite the variety of food Union Station offers, fudge is not one of them.

Saving Families One Incident at a Time

So I decided that I would like to move the "Awkward Movement" to a larger level than its current regional level. I will try to make more awkward moments, especially in public places with public & unknown people in an effort to save America's families. I believe that creating awkward moments in public will not only yield personal satisfaction, but will facilitate more open communication among family members instead on the traditional, surface-level conversations. Through these created awkward moments families will be able to laugh together and thus - hark - live happily together. Won't you join me in this endeavor to help save the family members in America, one moment at a time? Please unite forces with me to ensure this moment benefits not only the families in my area, but yours too...thank you.

The Conversationalist, from the series of awkward encounters in the working world part 2

So I've already been assigned a project with a partner, a supervisor, and a looming deadline. I think the supervisor might be a little concerned about it, because he keeps calling my partner to see how we are doing. (note: my supervisor has been out of town for a few days, and the project is due tomorrow) Today when he called, he asked my partner to put me on the phone so he could check on my progress. The conversation began as follows:
Mr. Supervisor: How's it going?
Marla: Oh, I'm pretty good, thanks! How are you?
....and then there was a pause....
Retrospectively, I don't think my supervisor was calling to chat.

Underqualified, from the series of awkward encounters in the working world

So I started my new job on Monday. Now, I had realized beforehand that this new environment would encourage many many awkward moments, but I didn't expect them to begin so soon. I got to the office at 9:00. I apparently wasn't supposed to get there until 9:30, so that was special. (good thing they didn't see me pacing around the office building for the 15 minutes prior to my "arrival") We kicked it off at 9:30 with a company meeting, in which we introduced ourselves because there were so many new faces. (ie, me) Introductions where similar to the following:
Person 1: My name is Betty Sue and I got my PhD from Harvard in Physics. I've been working at Global for 3 years, and I am currently working on 6 projects involving companies all over the world.
Person 2: My name is Harold Augustus. I have a PhD from MIT in molecular biology. In my thesis work I created a robotically controlled hand using magnetic field properties. I have been working here at Global since the beginning of time, and I wrote the software you all use.
Person 3: My name is Super Smart Dude, and I used to be a practicing physician before getting my PhD and then coming to Global, where I have been for 5 years. I am travelling around the world next week to present 4 projects simultaneously while securing new clients and fighting crime.
Marla: Hi. My name is Marla Stump. I just got my Bachelors of Science degree from the University of Pennsylvania in bioengineering. This is my first day.

...although I chose to spell out my educational accomplishments in as many words as possible, it did not mend the silence that followed. My boss looked like he was going to say something a few times, then sort of waited to see if I was going to say anything else - at least try to make a smooth transition or a joke. I opted for silence. Ah, first impressions.

yet MORE awkwardness with car Matt

I received a phone call yesterday afternoon from Detective Curry at the Penn Police. She requested that I come to the police office immediately because she needed to "ask me a few questions". I immediately felt panic--did I do something illegal,? was someone hurt? did my car get stolen? I couldn't imagine what it could be about and the only information she would give me was that no one was hurt. I went and it turns out that Car Matt thought that my car was stolen and that I was trying to steal his money so he called the police on me. OH MY WORD!!! Everything was cleared up and Detective Curry was lovely. However, the conversation I had with Car Matt after the police ordeal was, as you can imagine, QUITE awkward.

More awkwardness with Car Matt

I was talking to Matt on the phone yesterday. We were trying to iron out some details about the car, etc. Well, he was looking something up and I was waiting for him. I have this habit of humming to myself while I'm waiting for things or when I'm walking down the street. I usually don't do it on the phone. But apparently I forgot I was on the phone and started humming. Then Matt says, "Are you humming?" I replied, "Yes, yes I am." Matt, "Oh, that's really weird."

Is it about smoking weed?

I'm in the process of selling Trogdor as some of you may know. A few days ago, I was showing it to Matt. He was looking at it and inspecting it when he saw the Trogdor bumper sticker and asked, "What is that?"
--I replied, "Oh, it's kinda an inside joke with my friends. We call my car Trogdor. It's from this internet website called HomestarRunner. It's an internet cartoon."
-Matt (seeing that it says Trogdor the burninator), "Does it have to do with smoking weed?"
--Me, "No, no, no...it's an internet cartoon. You know, a joke...er...Trogdor...he goes around burning things because he's a dragon. Like he burns villages...and villagers and cottages...um...yeah, it's an internet cartoon."
Upon further reflection, I realized that Matt must think I'm crazy with my "weed smoking" bumper sticker and my "I love Jesus" air freshener.

Silence can be golden

This past week I had the opportunity (along with my bro Ethan and sis Natalie) to tag along with my dad as he participated on Rod Hall's Hummer racing team in the Best in the Desert 1000 mile race. Overall the trip was a blast and I got to get our little Saturn really dirty and pretend it has four-wheel drive. But there was certainly an air of awkwardness about the trip as well. Firstly, the other 15 or so men on the trip don't really talk. At least, they didn't really talk to us - the random kids that no one knew. So that made for lots of sitting next to my dad's teammates in....silence..... and since I had NO IDEA about racing and for each of them racing is THEIR LIFE, I didn't really have anything to talk to them about. I tried a couple of times to strike up conversations - both awkward failures.
1) I remembered one spiffy racing phrase from previous conversations with my father: "open class." So when he was walking by with one of his racing buddies I very smoothly tipped my chin and said
> "so Dad, you guys racin' open class?"
...the other guy laughed at me as my dad said
>"Huh? No, Marla. This is full stock truck."
...I later learned that full stock truck is actually the very opposite of open class.
2)A little later, I tried to talk again. One of the drivers was saying hello to us, so I, the stunning conversationalist, said to him
>"Josh, your wife is Australian, right? That's so cool! I studied for a semester in Australia last year. I would love to meet her. Did she come along this time?"
...there was a slight pause, and he quietly replied
>"Well, no. She's actually still recovering from cancer."
...at this point I remembered that she had recently had major surgery for a terrible type of cancer. Way to bring up sad subjects and kill any remnants of conversation.

The moral: don't speak unless spoken to or just pretend to be mute.

Jesus loves the awkward

I thought of you all and of the awkward blog today in church when Dr. Ryken said the following things:
1) Jesus loved to create socially awkward situations. The example from this morning was when he created awkwardness at a dinner party by asking the Pharisees questions and catching them in their hypocritical ways.
2) Not only did he love socially awkward situations, but he loves socially awkward people.

Breaking News in Gilbert (a brush with fame)

So I was at the library today studying for the MCATs and was a bit pressed for time and kind oftired of learning about the cell cycle, and so I opted for a quick lunch break in front of the library. While I was eating my yogurt, this dude came up to me and said "excuse me; I'm a writer for community speak-out section of the Arizona Tribune, and I was wondering if I could ask you a quick survey question." I had no desire to comply, but since I was sitting on a bench eating my yogurt, I couldn't very easily say "oh no, sorry I have to run..." or anything like that. So I said "ummm okay, but I don't really live here," hoping that would deter him. He seemed a little confused as to why I was hanging outside of the public library in Gilbert, Arizona on a Thursday afternoon if I didn't live there, so I qualified. I said "um, well I mean my family grew up here, but I've been going to school on the east coast for four years and am going to move to Boston soon and am really just here visiting, so my opinion isn't really pertinent. You should probably ask someone else." He followed up with "soooo, are you just here for the summer then?" "Yes," I said, certain that that would be grounds for disqualifying me from the survey. "Great! That counts," he retorted. I think he probably was kind of tired of standing in the sun and would have accepted any living being. I wasn't really bothered by the fact that my lunch/reading had been disrupted or anything like that, but I was more terrified by the thought of being one of the people in the community section of the Tribune with a random, unintelligible quote next to a dorky little snapshot of me. But, as I said, I was trapped, so I complied. "The question is," he said, "Gilbert has recently been named the fastest growing community in the United States. How do you feel about that?" Shoot. I pondered it like one would a Miss America pageant question with about 30 seconds of "umm.... well..... let's see..... that's a tough question to answer.... there are a lot of..... avenues......." I wanted to tell him that I hated that the 30,000-person town I moved into now has a population of 171,000, that everything that was farmland in Gilbert has turned into track homes and stripped it of culture, that there are traffic and Targets everywhere, that the temperatures had increased because of so much asphalt and engine exhaust, that I worry that Gilbert won't be able to sustain its size in the future because it seems to be attracting mostly houses and barely any commercial businesses. Instead I offered this pearl of wisdom: "Well, it's a little tougher to get around, but I get it makes sense that it would be this way because it is such a nice place to live." THIS JUST IN: MARLA STUMP OF GILBERT, ARIZONA THINKS THAT IT IS SUCH A NICE PLACE TO LIVE. I can just see the riveting section tomorrow. And that was it. The reporter snapped an awkward photo and left. And I finished my yogurt.

Barfing in NYC

Allison and I were in New York City looking at apartments on Saturday. All was going well and we were enjoying the very hot and humid day. We went to Brooklyn to look at another place and had some time to kill so we were sitting in the park reading. I fell asleep with a mild headache and when I woke up, my head was pounding with a terrible migraine. Not only that, but I was feeling somewhat queasy.
We decided to go get a bite to eat before seeing the apartment and we found a cute little cafe. While sitting there, I suddenly felt as though I was going to throw up and I bolted for the bathroom. I did in fact barf for a while in the bathroom. When I returned, I took a sip of my smoothie to get the taste out of my mouth, but that made me feel sick again. I ran to the bathroom, but someone was in it so I quickly turned and ran out to the street. I sat on a bench outside the restaurant and barfed some more. Quite a bit more actually. And people kept staring at me and asking me if they should get me help. When I finished barfing out there, a man asked me if I needed help and I stammered, "My friend...she's inside...someone was in the bathroom...I had to come out here...I'm really sorry..."
After I sat with my head down on the table in the restaurant for a while (while Allison read a book), we left to go see the apartment. It was really nice and I managed not to barf while we were in it. Then we left to catch the F train back to Chinatown so we could get back to Philly ASAP. But while waiting for the subway, the lovely subway smell triggered another round of barfing. It was coming out of my nose and mouth and splattering all over my feet and legs. Disgusting!!! The people around were lovely and offered me some tissues and body spray. Then, we moved a few seats over and away from the barf. A mom with a few kids came down and they were standing right near it. Then she saw it and quickly moved her kids away while all of them were saying, "Ewwwww, that's sooooo gross!!!" (they weren't around to see the barfing episode so they didn't know it was mine).
I managed to keep it under control on the subway and didn't barf on the bus either. But I had an eventful day of awkward barfing in the city. Now that I feel better, I find the situation quite funny.

3 awkward airport moments

1. El aeropuerto de los Cabos, Mexico: I was in line waiting to board my airplane to go back to the US today. In my hand was my passport and my boarding pass. Then I heard a voice from behind me say, "Excuse me, where did you get that?" The voice belonged to a middle-aged, American woman. Initially, I thought she was referring to the bag in my hand which had a bottle of Mexican tequila. But, no. She was referring to my passport. I stared at her for about 3 full minutes unsure of how to answer that question. My train of thought was something like, "Hmm...my passport? Well, it was mailed to me. But it's not like I just went to a store and bought it. Where did I get it? I remember where I got my passport photo..." Finally, I answered her and told her that you can get them at the post office. I mean, what did she think--you can just buy them at your local Wal-Mart?
2. International Airport of Ontario, CA: I had finished going through US customs and had to catch a free shuttle to another terminal for my connecting flight. I boarded the shuttle with my large backpack bag, but was unsure about where it was going exactly since some people on it were going to their cars in the parking lot. I only had 30 minutes to recheck in with the new airline, recheck my bag and go through security, so I was a litte nervous about catching my flight. As the driver began to slow down the bus, he started yelling out which airlines were at that stop. I wasn't sure if it was one of those things where you had to pull a chord and let them know that you wanted off. So I just waved my hand and yelled, "yeah!" Well, apparently he stops at every stop anyway and everyone on the shuttle was looking at me like I was crazy. I jumped off the shuttle when it stopped to get away from all the people who thought I was a moron.
3. On the flight from Ontario to Denver: I was exhausted and fell asleep as soon as I sat down on the plane. All of a sudden, I awoke as my seat came crashing back to the reclining position. I thought that either a) my plane was crashing or b) something was wrong and my seat was broken. But as I opened my eyes, I discovered that the woman next to me had pressed my button. Keep in mind that she had to lean over to my side of the arm rest to push the button. Flash forward to midway through the flight. She missed the announcement of when we were landing so I repeated it to her. She proceeded to take out her cell phone, turn it on, and attempt to make phone calls. I wasn't sure whether to tell her that you can't use cell phones or whether I should just watch and see what happened. I opted for the latter and watched as she dialed, didn't get a signal, and redialed several times all the while trying to hold back my laughter. Finally, she got frustrated with the phone and put it away.

All in all, it was an eventful day of travels. I'm glad to be home now and glad to be free of awkward travel moments until I leave again in three days...

The Flirtatious X

So I was at camp making camper calls with this new counselor, new to the USA as of Saturday, that I will be working with during the summer. As I am making my last camper call, the X walks in and the new girl and him start having a conversation. As I finish up my camper call the new girl and the X are flirting by my exit door. Inside I panic because I'm not sure what to do. Should I pull a Marla and go out the back door? Or pretend I'm doing something really important and hope they move on so I can leave "normally". Well after pretending to reorganize my folder for the umpteenth time, I realize there is not a way out and I also had a question pertaining to the X's job that I needed to clarify before the day was done, so I walk into their flirtatious convo (clearly super-cool and natural) to ask the X my question. It was the funniest thing ever. The convo flowed fine and it didn't seem awkward...at least from my end, but the moments before were super awkward and made me laugh. OK love yallz! Peace.

a convo turn that none follow...

Back at home in Arizona, where people aren't as used to the randomness...
>I was out to dinner with 5 friends from high school on Monday, and we were enjoying some pleasant conversation about sights to see in Arizona.
>My friend Zhinus commented something like "the city of Gerome is really weird. I was in this store there and they had all these doll heads everywhere..."
>at that point I piped in
>"that's like where I worked this year!"
>all eyes turned to Marla for further explanation
>"yeah, in my lab we were building these dolls I mean these dummies and we had to use real ones and stuff... you know, we had to cut off their heads and arms and stuff…and….it was really weird. looking.”
>still, high school friends did not quite seem to follow. The comment apparently didn’t really fit and wasn’t one that could be cavalierly added to a conversation. (remember, I am prone to add things that I don’t mean for anyone to pay attention to) So I casually changed the subject back to Zhinus’s store…
>Lesson learned: some things shouldn’t be explained or for that matter even used as commentary.

gym confusion

I was leaving the gym this morning, still feeling somewhat tired and in a groggy morning state. I thought I saw a girl I know, and I started waving at her and saying hi. It was then that I realized I have no idea who this girl is. She waved back with a confused look on her face and I turned and jetted out of the gym.

YMCA in Philly

Lindsay, Kate, Marla and I were driving back from a memorable day on I-76, full and happy after eating a delicious meal at the Cracker Barrel. As we approach the Spring Garden bridge, which is beautifully painted with various murals of the city life, we see what appears to be a lost group of people on a nature trail on huge horses that are also crossing the Spring Garden bridge. The leader of this mishap crew was a man dressed in cowboy gear, followed by a suspected rapper/thug, followed by a man in Middle Eastern apparel. A little farther up the bridge was another cowboy whose horse was trotting down the bridge in an attempt to catch up with this nature group. Our first attempt to get a picture of this not-so-normal sighting in Philadelphia was unsuccessful, but Lindsay was then able to perform great driving manuvers with Trogdor to ensure we got our Kodak moment. It was a great ending to such a great day!

Insulting the Deaf: UPDATE

Confusion: Kate told us that she had a conversation with the stranger in normal speaking voices and that Michelle also had spoken with the stranger. We were beginning to doubt whether she was in fact deaf.
Clarification: Carmel called J to find out the truth. J casually replied that the stranger is, in fact, hearing impaired. She wears hearing aids.

--We were were confined to the upper floors for the remainder of the night.

Insulting the Deaf

Who: Lindsay, Carmel, and Allison
Where: The living room of 3721 Chestnut Street
When: Friday, May 20th 10:30pm
How: We returned from the Bridge after watching Star Wars: Episode III. Kate asked us how the movie was and we excitedly told her all of the Christian references in the movie. At this point, we noticed several people in the living room watching something on the tv. So we entered. On the couch were J, C (new girl), and on the loveseat was a stranger with black curly hair. They were watching Gilmore Girls with the subtitles on. Allison and I simultaneously asked them why they were watching with subtitles while Carmel exclaimed, "That's really random." All of us were chuckling. Then, J pointed to the stranger and then pointed to her ears, indicating to us that the stranger could not hear. The awkwardness permeated the room and was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Suddenly, I decided that instead of standing there awkwardly, the best option would be to run. So I pulled a Marla and turned and ran up the stairs without saying a word. Allison and Carmel, supressing their laughter, followed me until we reached the safe haven of my second floor room.

May 16th -- Graduation Today

So today while awaiting the beginning of Commencement I was talked to Marla on the phone. When we were able to spot each other in the crowd I let out a happy squeal...which I didn't realize could be heard acutely to the other various graduates around me. Apparently this decibel sound was not one frequently reached in their everyday life and thus these "outside" students felt the need to turn around and stare with this look...(who is that girl?) Thanks.
-- Carmel